Another Way To Look At Goodbyes

Photo by David Solce on Unsplash

Photo by David Solce on Unsplash

"I read the last paragraph of my favorite book. I remind myself that some things I love end. And that’s okay."

— Ari Eastman

Last night I found myself on another walk in the woods, the second one of the day. The open space and mountains give me clarity, and a sense of peace I rarely find anywhere else. I found myself thinking about how I always leave, how before I even moved to my new home I said I would probably only stay until my lease ended.

I started thinking about all my goodbyes; that all my goodbyes have been messy. I think back to leaving my hometown for college and the amount of tears I shed. I think about leaving college to move to Australia and the amount of tears I shed. I think about leaving Australia to come back to America and crying the whole first flight from Adelaide to Melbourne. I think about when I was getting ready to take my road trip out west to my new home in Denver and the tears I cried saying goodbye.  

Most endings aren't pretty, they aren't poetic or graceful. Most endings are hard, messy, complicated and painful. Letting go of something – or someone – you love and moving on without it isn't an art – it's chaos. 

It's looking the people you love in the eyes and choosing to walk away. It's people asking you if you miss your family and friends and trying not to let such a simple question bother you. It's knowing that you could be there with them for the big moments but you picked another option that you thought would benefit you greater than being around the people you love the most. 

Part of me will always feel selfish for leaving by choice. 

But the other part of me would become resentful if I stayed.

Goodbyes are hard – they'll always be hard but they're part of me, they're the one thing I know is coming.  As cliche as this is, I feel like I was almost born for leaving. Even when I'm happy I'm always waiting for the next adventure. 

I know I'm always hurting someone by leaving and I know I'm always hurting myself by walking away from the people I love but the thing about leaving is you can go back – that's what I tell myself, that's what gets me through. Every chapter of your life is important, even the times that hurt you like hell. They're important because they make you stronger and they help you learn.

Most of the time you aren't ready to say goodbye and walk away, even if you think you are because what's ahead of you is terrifying and unknown. But sometimes you have to leave because leaving and saying goodbye is necessary. You can't always cling to everything you want because it's not always what's best for you. Sometimes things are meant to end for a reason, whatever that reason is, even if hurts like hell and makes no sense.  Sometimes the things we love the most can be toxic. Sometimes the things we love the most are no good for us no matter what way we spin it; they can hold us back from the growth we need to move forward in life. 

Moving on can be uncomfortable, it usually is. You can love a place – or person – and still leave because it no longer serves you in the way you need. 

Sometimes the things you love have to come to an end for you to move forward with your life, no matter how painful it seems at the time. Consider those pains growing pains. 

The point of leaving is never the goodbyes, though. The point of leaving is the memories made along the way, the connections you've developed, the friendships you've created. The point of leaving is to better yourself and continue the growth that started where you previously were. The point of leaving is to find new beginnings and embrace the change. the memories made along 

Your leaving can be chaotic and messy but there's always beauty in it – there's always beauty where it brings you.