You're Allowed To Be Sad For No Reason
I sat in my car tonight for a while when I pulled into my driveway. I turned it off but couldn't find the motivation to get up and walk in my house, so instead, I sat there in silence. I heard the crickets in the background but my mind was kind of blank and numb. I felt empty, a feeling that I've become familiar with in the past but hasn't been hanging around for a while. It's a feeling I haven't missed.
For a while, I felt good. I felt like things were together, I felt happy and sure of things but now I'm not so sure. Now I'm not so happy and I feel like I beat myself up for it because I don't have a "'real" reason to be sad. All I know is the happiness I did feel has faded away, even though my life is still in the same spot.
Right now nothing makes sense, I feel like I have no valid reason to be sad but I am. I can't push the feelings away.
I don't write things like this for sympathy or for people to ask me what's wrong. I'm not a "woe is me" kind of person but I am a person, and I do have feelings. Feeling sorry for myself isn't something I do often, I wouldn't even consider it what I'm doing now, but the sadness is consuming me and I can't build my walls high enough to block it out. Sometimes indulging in your emotions is the best thing you can do instead of pretending they aren't important enough to shed light on and carrying them around with you.
I remind myself of this as I get the motivation to get out of my car that I don't need a specific reason to be sad. Nothing bad has to happen in order to make my feelings valid or relevant. I think to myself that I'm allowed to be sad and that it's okay that all I want to do is crawl up in my bed and wrap myself in blankets because the bad days come through just like the good ones. Life can't only be filled with high points or else you'd take everything for granted.
You're allowed to be sad, to let your walls down, to feel the emotion that was triggered – even if nothing seems wrong. Your emotions are valid and you don't have to explain to anyone why you feel the way you do. You're allowed to be sad for no reason – it doesn't make you weak.
If you were looking for validation or permission to feel what you're going through – this is it, even though you don't need it.
You're allowed to be sad when everything is seemingly perfect, you're allowed to be sad after a day of laughs with friends, you're allowed to be sad when you're out at the bar surrounded by a ton of people. You're allowed to sad even when the sun is shining and you're surrounded by family. You're allowed to be sad and you don't have to have an explanation for why because you're not obligated to give one.
Everyone handles their sadness differently, in a way that makes sense to them and that's what I encourage you to do because that's what I'm doing as well. For me it's writing; it's putting my thoughts and heart out there for you to read. It's being able to communicate much better to strangers than in person with friends. It doesn't make sense but it makes sense to me, and that's all that matters.
Even when things seem good you're allowed to be sad. Even when it doesn't make sense you're allowed to be sad. You don't have to figure it out or manipulate it or beat yourself up over feeling the way you do – your feelings are still rational. It doesn't make you a bad person or wrong or weak or stupid.
You're allowed to feel exactly what you're feeling because you're the only one who can ever really know what you're going through.
You're not "supposed to" feel a certain way, no matter what your life circumstances are like at the moment because everyone feels and processes things differently. You can be sad when everything is good and you're allowed to be sad for no reason. There's your validation, now go feel your feels and take care of yourself – I'm going to do the same.