You Don't Love Me And It's Not My Fault

Photo by Ryan Pouncy on Unsplash

Photo by Ryan Pouncy on Unsplash

"You don't love me and it's not my fault." – Trista Mateer

You don't care about me the way I care about you, and it's not my fault. It's not something I can change. 

You don't get excited over the sound of my voice like I do yours. You don't ever lean in for a kiss; you don't feel the tingle that I feel when your lips touch mine. You don't ever want to stay the night and wake up in each other's arms. You don't get excited when my name lights up your phone because it takes you hours to respond unless I double text, unlike the way I can't help but answer your messages right away. Or the way I find myself checking my phone out of the blue just in case I might have missed something from you.  

"You don't love me and it's not my fault." 

I could give you my all and you'd still want more because I don't do it for you like you do it for me, and I can't change that. It's not my fault I'm not the girl you want me to be. It's not my fault I'm not "your type." It's not my fault I'm not her.

I'm me and at some point, that's got to be enough. 

Part of it is my fault, though. I believed all the words you'd let slip out off your tongue when it was late and you were lonely. I believed them. I believed you when you told me you cared; I should have known better. I should have realized you didn't mean those things. 

But it's not my fault you don't feel the same connection to me that I feel to you. It's not my fault I'm not your type. It's not my fault I can't make you want to stay. It's not my fault and for once I'm done blaming myself for it. I'm done questioning why you left, I'm done questioning what I did wrong, I'm done thinking it's my fault because I know it's not. I know I'm just not the right girl for you and I can't change that because wanting to change that would be wanting to change who I am. 

I knew that last kiss on my way out your door meant it was over, I could feel it in your goodnight but this time I'm done blaming myself for your leaving.

It's not my fault it's over and I'm done breaking my own heart holding on to someone who could never have loved me back in the first place.  

"You don't love me and it's not my fault."