You Can't Make Someone Stay (And You Shouldn't Have To Try)
The obvious truth that we've all heard a million times is that if someone wants to be in your life they will make it know. If they seem uninterested in you it's because they are. It's a hard reality to accept but there's too much truth behind it to deny it.
We make excuses for the people we have feelings for and care about because we don't want to believe they don't reciprocate those feelings. We don't want to believe that we can care about them so much and accept that they barely think of us. No one wants to feel unwanted because it makes you feel like shit, like you're not enough. It's something I find myself doing often – trying to squeeze my way into people's lives who have no interest in me being there.
You can't force yourself into someone's life, you can't make someone care about you when they don't and you can't force someone to stay when all they want to do is leave. It's not possible. And it doesn't make it suck any less.
Just because one person doesn't want you doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you or that you're unlovable.
But you have to stop going back.
You have to stop begging them to stay, you have to stop texting them when you're lonely, you have to stop being available at their convenience. You're better than that. You're not a door mat for them to wipe their feet on whenever they feel like coming home – you deserve more.
Stop typing out messages on your phone. Stop obsessively checking their social media. Stop hoping they're going to come back because they're not. People like that don't deserve people like you with big, caring hearts. It's nothing you did wrong, it's who they are as a person. You can't change them.
You want them to be aware of what they're letting go of when they let you walk out of their life, you want them to understand how hurt you are and how much you want them but that's not going to make them stay, or change their mind. You shouldn't have to convince the person you care about to care about you back because you'll never be happy that way, neither will they.
You have to stop clinging to all the nice words they said when it was just the two of you because they've already forgotten about them and you're hanging on to those words with hope they meant them. They have too much baggage in their life and as much as you try they won't let you help carry it. They've got their own issues to work out on their own time, and you've just got to let them. You can't help someone who doesn't want it.
All you can do is stop going back. I know it's way easier said than done but it's the best thing for you.
Stop trying to convince them to stay because asking them to stay is really just prolonging their inevitable leaving. It's a temporary band-aid that will still be ripped off soon enough. You can't make someone stay and you shouldn't have to try because they should want to be there in the first place. They should want you in their life and they should let you know that they care, and if they don't it's time to let go, even if it hurts.
You deserve someone who wants to be there, not someone you have to convince to be there.
Don't go back to them, don't cling to their words, don't try to convince them you're enough because they already know you are. But they're not enough for you, not yet. They need to work on themselves before they could give you what you deserve so you need to let them go.
You can't convince them to stay, and you shouldn't have to.