Stop Making Excuses For Shitty Love

Photo by  Cameron Stow  on  Unsplash

Photo by Cameron Stow on Unsplash

There's something about falling for people who are no good for us. There's something about settling for less than you deserve because the attention feels good. There's something about knowing it's not going anywhere but allowing yourself to get in even deeper because you're hanging on to the little ounce of hope that maybe something more will come out of what little you have.  

You think maybe you're the one who can change them, fix them, make them love you the way you want to be loved. But you can't. You can't change them, or fix them, or make them love you. You can't force those things. You can't force anything in love. 

And the best—and worst—part of all of that is it has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with who they are as a person. You could give them every single thing you have and they'd still want more. It's just who they are. 

Falling for the person who treats you like shit is easy, it's like a mental game we play with ourselves to convince ourselves we can win their heart. But we're playing a losing game with ourselves from the start. 

Falling for the person who you have to convince to like you is easy, there's something about being treated like shit with the occasional in person kindness that makes us swoon over people who don't really give a fuck about us. I don't get it, and I don't think I ever will, even though I'm well aware it's a thing I do. 

It's easy to mistake attention for affection. It's easy to mistake convenience for caring. It's easy to fall for who we want someone to be in, instead of they actually are. We often excuse people's behavior when we care about them—especially when we want them to care about us back. We ignore the person they show us they are because we want them to be who we want them to be. And in the end we're the only ones hurt and it's our fault for wanting to see the best in someone who we knew wasn't capable of loving us the way we deserve to be loved in the first place.  

We want to find love, we want it to be with the person we're head over heels attracted to but sometimes it doesn't work—most of the time it doesn't work, and you have to know when it's time to walk away. Fuck that person who didn't call you back after your date, or didn't call when he said he would after you had sex, or made you believe you were special and flooded your heart with smooth lines only to disappear without reason.

Realistically, that isn't someone you want in your life. You don't want someone you have to convince to be there, or like you, or care about you. Those people aren't right for you but it sucks when we allow them to get in our head and our head and smooth talk us like they give a damn. 

Sometimes we give them too much credit when credit isn't due. We try to convince them they're this awesome person with heaps of potential because that's what we want to believe, even if we know it's not true. 

Stop making excuses for shitty love, stop convincing yourself they could be someone you love, stop making excuses for their shitty behavior and stop giving them too much credit. They will never be the fantasy you're creating in your head. Let them show up first, and if they do, believe them when they show you who they really are. No more excuses.